Apologies to Media Reps & Sales People Everywhere

To Whom It May Concern:

I apologize for all those times you put so much effort to put together a proposal for me to review - even if I asked for it and I never looked at it or responded to it. I also apologize for asking you to call me back at a more convenient time, and now that I know your number on caller-ID I have no intention of picking up the phone. I am very sorry for all the times I blamed it on budget for the year, but please contact me next year and we'll see if we can work it in. Because I knew then you weren't going to make the plan next year, either. I apologize for all those times that when you did manage to grab me on the phone, I'd roll my eyes and make fun of you after we hung up. I am sorry that I had blank stares during our meetings - even though you brought lunch or cookies or free coffee mugs and mailed me candies and wines for Christmas. I am sorry that I would pass you off to 'someone else on our team' just so I wouldn't have to deal with you. Even though I knew you weren't a good fit for that client either. I apologize I told you that your email got caught up in my 'junk folder'. Even though you & I both know it didn't. I apologize that I'll ask you to forward me what you sent previously, because I'm either too lazy to look for it or I deleted it without opening it previously. I'm sorry that when I get your read receipt request, I say no, but what I really mean is "are you kidding? of course not." I apologize that I have no respect for your time, because you see, my time is just so valuable. I'm also sorry for all those times (when you accidentally get me on the phone) and I say "what about x? I'm sure that's in what you sent" - but you see, I didn't read what you sent me. I just needed you to put it in my  mouth with a spoon. Was that too much to ask?

I really am sorry. And I would have called you to tell you. But I blocked your number from my phone.

Sincerest Apologies,
Anne Decabooter