It doesn't matter what you say - it matters what is heard

I heard this bit from someone I've been getting to know over the past several months as I go through this venture.

Remember my post about what makes someone smart? Well, he was not one of those mentioned in that post, but so far I've agreed with everything he's said, and therefore, he's smart. Right?

So. Moving on.

The frame of reference for this matters little. But it was during a semantics, lack of communication "you're both saying the same thing" kind of conversation.

And this friend says to me (because I was trying to argue that I was right to be frustrated while at the same time talking myself out of being frustrated):


It doesn't matter what you say - it matters what is heard.

So Anne reads that to mean: it is your fault if he heard it wrong. It means you didn't say it right. Now, that's not really what it means, but at the time, that's what I thought. But I got the point.

I am all about keeping things moving and finding next steps and getting to the point. But if the conversation is going through circles, clearly the parties are not saying the same thing - whether they think they are or not. So, I've decided to start thinking about that during conversations / discussions. And figuring out how I can tweak my responses and questions to keep things moving.

Afterall, if things aren't moving, things aren't happening.